By Robert Bautner
If Only I Were Pretty
Destiny By Design
If Only I Were Pretty tells the story of a 10-year-old autistic boy who, after a failed suicide attempt, develops an escape plan. He will someday be a mom, he will own land, and he will be a millionaire. By turning negatives into positives, he makes three promises to himself. His life becomes a journey of keeping those promises. In the midst of it, he encounters God, becomes a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and comes to the most unexpected conclusion of all: he frees himself from the desires that had held him captive since he was a child.
Are we defined by our desires, or do we have the power to shape who we become?
Bestselling author Robert Bautner has spent a lifetime wrestling with that question.
For anyone who has ever wondered whether desires, traumas, or diagnoses have the final word, this book offers a different answer, one rooted in a unique combination of personal agency, pure authenticity, and triumph over circumstances.
Robert’s story began with wounds no child should endure. Raised in an environment of physical and emotional abuse, suffering a sexual assault at age seven and a suicide attempt at age ten, Robert navigated a complex and hostile world as an autistic boy searching for love, safety, and belonging. To survive, he learned to analyze the world around him. He longed for his mother’s love—a love that only existed for his brother, the pretty one.
He transformed that desire into passion and drive to achieve his destiny. In the aftermath of his suicide attempt, he made three promises to himself that became his guide to creating a life worth living. First, he would turn every negative in his life into a positive. Second, he would be a mom someday, one who loved his children and raised them in a home that was secure and safe. Third, he would be a millionaire, a successful businessman who owned land.
From this beginning, Robert set out on a journey of self-realization, of transformation, and ultimately of fulfillment through his family, his farm, and his faith and eventual membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
If Only I Were Pretty is the story of learning to navigate
the space between desire and destiny.
Desires are powerful.
Destiny is shaped by who we choose to become.